It has been a few months of huge highs and low lows. I know what the problem is and very little will change until I can address it. I started reading a book called "Fire Starter Sessions" by Danielle Laporte. I have to admit that I haven't finished it yet. It was an ebook I borrowed from the library and very quickly it became apparent to me that I needed a paper version so I could scribble notes and do the tutorials. I must get my hands on that book. It is a guide to making it happen. Make what you want, become a reality. Make what I want for my life my reality. I think my lows are often when I feel like I can't wait anymore, I am growing more and more impatient with my current life. And the reality that making a change isn't as far away as it used to be, that makes me impatient. And I get frustrated and have pity parties and temper tantrums. Oh ya, fun to be around, that's me.
The exercising I have been doing has been helping level off my moods. It amazes me how powerful activity can be. It's effects on my mood are strong enough and so clearly noticeable that I am able to fairly easily force myself out of bed at 5:15am to work out twice a week. The alternative, an extra hours sleep but feeling down, isn't really a viable alternative anymore. And the rest of the week I try to do work outs over lunch hour. I don't always get to them but the endorphin effect from one high intensity work out usually lasts a few days so as long as I get to the gym (or work out at home) every two days I am good. The fact that I haven't lost any weight has been a bit of an annoyance to me. I even let it get me down last week and stop me from working out. Wallowing in my own self pity, see, fun me again. Poor Kevin. Yesterday I read a post that reminded me what is important. I always say my main goal is to be healthy (and it is) but in the back of my mind getting skinny is always there. Sorry to add a second link in one post but this article is worth the read. If you are a fit woman who struggles with body image, you NEED to read this. Thank you EliteFTS and Alexander Cortes for this post. It is the truth, a truth that not only women but society in general needs to embrace "A Lion in Iron: Women- Be More Not Less". I am strong, much stronger than I was 1 year ago. And I will continue to get stronger. Healthy and strong are my goals. I needed that reminder.
Friday, March 15, 2013
Thursday, January 17, 2013
An experiment - subject: Me
After the holidays I felt run down. I was very tired, my clothing was more snug than it had been and generally my mood was off. It was easy to set me off and when I feel like this my outlook on life can suffer. While M was brushing his teeth the other night he decided to step on my dusty neglected scale. It didn't register any weight at all and he asked me what was up. I took a moment and reset it for him and to prove it was working I stood on it. WHOAAAA! I had gained 10 pounds since my last weigh in (which in reality had been months before). So that probably means I gained more than 10 pounds because I think I had lost a few. F^&*$ Colour me not impressed.
But I had to be honest with myself. Since the school year started in September I hadn't been going to the gym regularly. Once or twice a month at best, and that isn't going to do much for my waist line, or my fitness level. Of course I do fair amount of reading about fitness (so much easier than actually doing it) and I had come up with some ideas of what I wanted to do. Kevin and I had a talk about things and he reminded me that I needed a plan. I had lots of ideas and goals but no plan. One of the blogs I have been reading is GoKaleo and her way of thinking appeals to me. No quick fix and no starving yourself. Fuel your body, exercise everyday and the results will come. She says that one reason weight is hard to lose, and any loss hard to maintain is that we don't eat enough food. That our bodies are suffering from under nutrition and our metabolisms are confused by all our dieting.
This is my plan:
GoKaleo links to an Energy Expenditure calculator in a few of her posts (and her Start Here section). I used it to calculate my energy expenditure on my low/no exercise days, and on my exercise days (different amounts depending on what I do). Last week I started going to bootcamp twice a week and on those days my energy expenditure is 2720 cals. On my non exercise days it is 2200 and on days when I jog or weight train (which I don't actually do at the moment) it is 2675.
So these amounts are the calories that my body needs to fuel my life. If I eat these amounts (in healthy, whole foods) I should maintain my weight, no losing, no gaining. I find it interesting that My Fitness Pal has the default energy expenditure amount at 1800 cals a day for me (and everybody I assume, it is a generic amount after all). That's whopping 400 calorie difference, which doesn't seem like much but when you take account that the amount of calories I had to eat each day on their "diet" was 1200 then it certainly becomes a big deal.
I decided that I still need to track my food with MFP. I am not using their base amounts but the tracking is useful. It reminds me to be mindful of what I am eating. Every day I go into my settings and change my calorie goal depending on what kind of day I will have. On bootcamp days I give myself 2400 cals (300 shy of my TEE Total Energy Expenditure amount) and on non exercise days I give myself 2000 (200 shy of my TEE amount). Now that I think of it I should drop that to 1900. I do want to lose some weight after all.
This week (and last) I attended bootcamp twice a week and played soccer once a week. Next week I plan on adding another gym visit. This visit will start with some strength training. Every 2 or 3 weeks I want to add another work out to my week. By the end of winter I should be doing some kind of exercise every day. At the moment I envision that as: Monday Gym Strength train or Bootcamp, Tuesday walk or jog, Wednesday bootcamp, Thursday Gym strength train, Friday Soccer, Saturday walk or Jog. Sunday Rest. Of course these are subject to change, and some days I won't make it, but one thing I am is easy on myself (sometimes too easy). The idea is that as long as I have a plan I shouldn't be as easily derailed.
The experiment part of this plan is the eating. As you can see from the calorie amounts I posted, I am eating between 700 and 1200 cals more than I was when I was following the MFP diet. I did lose weight on the MFP diet, but I also gained it all back really really fast. That is the part I am trying to avoid. I will report back as things progress and we can see if this will work. I expect it will.
But I had to be honest with myself. Since the school year started in September I hadn't been going to the gym regularly. Once or twice a month at best, and that isn't going to do much for my waist line, or my fitness level. Of course I do fair amount of reading about fitness (so much easier than actually doing it) and I had come up with some ideas of what I wanted to do. Kevin and I had a talk about things and he reminded me that I needed a plan. I had lots of ideas and goals but no plan. One of the blogs I have been reading is GoKaleo and her way of thinking appeals to me. No quick fix and no starving yourself. Fuel your body, exercise everyday and the results will come. She says that one reason weight is hard to lose, and any loss hard to maintain is that we don't eat enough food. That our bodies are suffering from under nutrition and our metabolisms are confused by all our dieting.
This is my plan:
GoKaleo links to an Energy Expenditure calculator in a few of her posts (and her Start Here section). I used it to calculate my energy expenditure on my low/no exercise days, and on my exercise days (different amounts depending on what I do). Last week I started going to bootcamp twice a week and on those days my energy expenditure is 2720 cals. On my non exercise days it is 2200 and on days when I jog or weight train (which I don't actually do at the moment) it is 2675.
So these amounts are the calories that my body needs to fuel my life. If I eat these amounts (in healthy, whole foods) I should maintain my weight, no losing, no gaining. I find it interesting that My Fitness Pal has the default energy expenditure amount at 1800 cals a day for me (and everybody I assume, it is a generic amount after all). That's whopping 400 calorie difference, which doesn't seem like much but when you take account that the amount of calories I had to eat each day on their "diet" was 1200 then it certainly becomes a big deal.
I decided that I still need to track my food with MFP. I am not using their base amounts but the tracking is useful. It reminds me to be mindful of what I am eating. Every day I go into my settings and change my calorie goal depending on what kind of day I will have. On bootcamp days I give myself 2400 cals (300 shy of my TEE Total Energy Expenditure amount) and on non exercise days I give myself 2000 (200 shy of my TEE amount). Now that I think of it I should drop that to 1900. I do want to lose some weight after all.
This week (and last) I attended bootcamp twice a week and played soccer once a week. Next week I plan on adding another gym visit. This visit will start with some strength training. Every 2 or 3 weeks I want to add another work out to my week. By the end of winter I should be doing some kind of exercise every day. At the moment I envision that as: Monday Gym Strength train or Bootcamp, Tuesday walk or jog, Wednesday bootcamp, Thursday Gym strength train, Friday Soccer, Saturday walk or Jog. Sunday Rest. Of course these are subject to change, and some days I won't make it, but one thing I am is easy on myself (sometimes too easy). The idea is that as long as I have a plan I shouldn't be as easily derailed.
The experiment part of this plan is the eating. As you can see from the calorie amounts I posted, I am eating between 700 and 1200 cals more than I was when I was following the MFP diet. I did lose weight on the MFP diet, but I also gained it all back really really fast. That is the part I am trying to avoid. I will report back as things progress and we can see if this will work. I expect it will.
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
My thing
Everyone has their thing. I know I have mentioned before that I love to cook. I really do. It hurts my heart to buy things pre packaged. When I do, I don't enjoy the meals we eat. I know to some it sounds silly but it's just how I feel. But I also don't have time to prepare fancy meals and I find meal planning hard. I have a hard time deciding what to make and often chose the ~wrong~ thing. Things that take too long, or that don't turn out as well as I would like. I have learned that no matter how wonderful Pinterest is, you cannot always rely on the recipes posted on there. They just don't always turn out.
When I was on maternity leave with D2 I signed up for a meal planning service. At the time I used the free version. It provides you with a menu for the week plus a grocery list and plan for prepping. It outlines what you can do ahead of time and what to do during the week.
I really enjoyed it but when I returned to work the weekend prep work suffered. I didn't want to spend a few hours prep cooking on the weekend. I wanted to spend every waking minute I could with my little one (and when he napped I wanted to nap).
Two weeks ago I decided to try it again but this time I paid for the service. With paying I get grocery lists I can edit, lists sent to my iphone that I can use (and cross off) while I shop. And the ability to edit the menu to our tastes. My family and I are really loving the meals. It is work getting things started on the weekend, but it pays off in spades when I only have a small amount of cooking to do each weeknight and I am still getting healthy home made food on my kids plates. PLUS they love it. Twice since I started using the service they have commented on how much they have enjoyed the meals.
Happiness for me is a happy, well fed family. And these days I am happy.
Edited to add:
~ I guess I could tell you about the service. It is SOS Cuisine. I love it for many reasons but one really good one is that it is Canadian, fully totally Canadian (from Montreal I think). Oh and I forgot to mention that they work out their grocery lists with the store sales, you pick the stores you shop at and they tell you where the cheapest of everything is (based on your profile).
They didn't pay me for this post, they didn't give me anything. They don't know who I am, or that I have a blog. I am getting nothing for naming them here.
When I was on maternity leave with D2 I signed up for a meal planning service. At the time I used the free version. It provides you with a menu for the week plus a grocery list and plan for prepping. It outlines what you can do ahead of time and what to do during the week.
I really enjoyed it but when I returned to work the weekend prep work suffered. I didn't want to spend a few hours prep cooking on the weekend. I wanted to spend every waking minute I could with my little one (and when he napped I wanted to nap).
Two weeks ago I decided to try it again but this time I paid for the service. With paying I get grocery lists I can edit, lists sent to my iphone that I can use (and cross off) while I shop. And the ability to edit the menu to our tastes. My family and I are really loving the meals. It is work getting things started on the weekend, but it pays off in spades when I only have a small amount of cooking to do each weeknight and I am still getting healthy home made food on my kids plates. PLUS they love it. Twice since I started using the service they have commented on how much they have enjoyed the meals.
Happiness for me is a happy, well fed family. And these days I am happy.
Edited to add:
~ I guess I could tell you about the service. It is SOS Cuisine. I love it for many reasons but one really good one is that it is Canadian, fully totally Canadian (from Montreal I think). Oh and I forgot to mention that they work out their grocery lists with the store sales, you pick the stores you shop at and they tell you where the cheapest of everything is (based on your profile).
They didn't pay me for this post, they didn't give me anything. They don't know who I am, or that I have a blog. I am getting nothing for naming them here.
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
a slice of time
So much of our time these days is full. We try not to over schedule our lives but somehow we always feel busy. Cooking, cleaning, meal planning, activities and regular play time fills our minutes and hours to the point of overflowing.
Last weekend on the spur of the moment Kevin and I dropped the kids off at his parents house and went out for dinner. Kevin's mom hadn't been well for a while and we weren't able to ask them to watch the kids. Now that she is feeling better and stronger (and D2 isn't quite as much effort) we felt comfortable asking.
Dinner out was just perfection. It wasn't at a fancy restaurant, it wasn't a long meal. But we talked and talked. I will admit that with our life being busy and full with the kids our actual adult only conversations are usually short and to the point. I was happy to see that we can connect, spend time together (sans kids) and still be interested in each other.
Hopefully this can become a regular date night. It helped recharge my batteries that night, and I could use a recharge like that more often.
Last weekend on the spur of the moment Kevin and I dropped the kids off at his parents house and went out for dinner. Kevin's mom hadn't been well for a while and we weren't able to ask them to watch the kids. Now that she is feeling better and stronger (and D2 isn't quite as much effort) we felt comfortable asking.
Dinner out was just perfection. It wasn't at a fancy restaurant, it wasn't a long meal. But we talked and talked. I will admit that with our life being busy and full with the kids our actual adult only conversations are usually short and to the point. I was happy to see that we can connect, spend time together (sans kids) and still be interested in each other.
Hopefully this can become a regular date night. It helped recharge my batteries that night, and I could use a recharge like that more often.
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
back, inspired
I have been on holiday for the last two weeks. I didn't mean to go dark but I convinced myself that I shouldn't boot my laptop while I was off. And for the most part I succeeded, except for one small work emergency. Overall the holiday was wonderful, relaxing and I enjoyed spending time with my kids.. All that stuff. But as someone who doesn't really like her job I find that during my time off I spend my free moments stressing over the fact that I HAVE.TO.GO.BACK instead of just enjoying myself. Every moment is coloured with a melancholy. I have been halfheartedly looking for a new job, but I am not sure I want to stay in this career at all. I partly think I should just stay put till I find my passion, my thing. And the thing is, I think I may have come up with an idea.
A few weeks ago I was reading a post on Brene Brown's blog and she wrote a post about Chris Guillebeau and his new book "The $100 startup". Very spur of the moment I clicked on the Amazon link and bought the book. Without even thinking, I just did it. And of course through the awesomeness of Amazon it was on my desk 2 days later. That night before bed I read the first two chapters and my mind was spinning. So many ideas, so much inspiration. After putting it down I couldn't even sleep. The idea that I could be my own boss, work for myself. Do something I love. It has been something I have dreamed about for years but never dared consider. I always thought that I would have to wait till we hadless no debt, till the kids were older. But while reading these first two chapters I was inpired. Why couldn't I start something, do it WHILE I work. Use the little bit of extra income to pay off my debt faster And then, just then, we might be in a position to accept the loss of my salary. But what if, dare I even think it, what if the loss of my salary didn't hurt as much, because I already had a business going on the side. And I could focus on it, grow it. Oh man, I am so inspired.
But did you read that paragraph closely. If you did you will notice that I only read the first two chapters. In true ME fashion I am spooked. There is light at the end of this dark tunnel and instead of facing it head on I am averting my eyes. I am scared. I look at the book (now sitting in my living room) and my heart races. I want to pick it up. I want to keep reading it. I NEED to keep reading it.
With that being said, even with just these first two chapters read I have come up with an idea. And I have given myself a deadline. I have to start working on it in the next two weeks.
MY idea. OMG you have no idea how difficult this is for me to type. What if you all think I am crazy, the idea won't work. I'll never make a living. Why would anyone ever buy what I am selling. ~breath~ I am just going to put it out there. Be honest, tell me what you think. I can take it.
I want to bake. To start I want to bake healthy snacks, muffins, cookies and the like. Sell them to parents who want healthy snack food for their kids lunches but don't have the time to prepare them themselves. The parents who like me cringe every time they drop $3 on a box of Bear Paw cookies or store bought granola bars. And by healthy I mean banana chocolate chip muffins with cauliflower in them. Granola bars with spinach. But they will taste good, the kids will eat them. Happily eat them. Sneak the good stuff in there. I already have ideas for other products but I need to start working on recipes. I need to slow down with the ideas and just start baking. My soccer league ends in two weeks and my deadline is that I will create a sample box for each of my teammates. So they can sample, give me feedback and hopefully a few will become/refer customers.
Phew, now it is out there. I am in tears, scared to death. It isn't that I am afraid to start. I am afraid of what this could become. Could this actually be the thing that delivers me into a life where I love what I do. I want this so bad. That is why I am so afraid.
A few weeks ago I was reading a post on Brene Brown's blog and she wrote a post about Chris Guillebeau and his new book "The $100 startup". Very spur of the moment I clicked on the Amazon link and bought the book. Without even thinking, I just did it. And of course through the awesomeness of Amazon it was on my desk 2 days later. That night before bed I read the first two chapters and my mind was spinning. So many ideas, so much inspiration. After putting it down I couldn't even sleep. The idea that I could be my own boss, work for myself. Do something I love. It has been something I have dreamed about for years but never dared consider. I always thought that I would have to wait till we had
But did you read that paragraph closely. If you did you will notice that I only read the first two chapters. In true ME fashion I am spooked. There is light at the end of this dark tunnel and instead of facing it head on I am averting my eyes. I am scared. I look at the book (now sitting in my living room) and my heart races. I want to pick it up. I want to keep reading it. I NEED to keep reading it.
With that being said, even with just these first two chapters read I have come up with an idea. And I have given myself a deadline. I have to start working on it in the next two weeks.
MY idea. OMG you have no idea how difficult this is for me to type. What if you all think I am crazy, the idea won't work. I'll never make a living. Why would anyone ever buy what I am selling. ~breath~ I am just going to put it out there. Be honest, tell me what you think. I can take it.
I want to bake. To start I want to bake healthy snacks, muffins, cookies and the like. Sell them to parents who want healthy snack food for their kids lunches but don't have the time to prepare them themselves. The parents who like me cringe every time they drop $3 on a box of Bear Paw cookies or store bought granola bars. And by healthy I mean banana chocolate chip muffins with cauliflower in them. Granola bars with spinach. But they will taste good, the kids will eat them. Happily eat them. Sneak the good stuff in there. I already have ideas for other products but I need to start working on recipes. I need to slow down with the ideas and just start baking. My soccer league ends in two weeks and my deadline is that I will create a sample box for each of my teammates. So they can sample, give me feedback and hopefully a few will become/refer customers.
Phew, now it is out there. I am in tears, scared to death. It isn't that I am afraid to start. I am afraid of what this could become. Could this actually be the thing that delivers me into a life where I love what I do. I want this so bad. That is why I am so afraid.
Monday, July 23, 2012
Importance of a packing list
I usually make lists when I am packing to go away with my family. Heck I make a list when I travel alone. But this weekend we were only going away for 1 night. We were only going to a friends 40th birthday party and then to sleep at my mothers house. We would be back a mere 24 hours after we left. Why would I need a list for such a short trip?
That is a spreadsheet that demonstrates how I cannot function without a list. I have to admit that I usually pack with the caveat that we aren't traveling to Timbuktu, and I can replace anything forgotten in a heart beat. But why spend money needlessly on new swimsuits (which I remembered this trip but have forgotten many times before, I have 4) when we don't need to. A list not only saves my sanity it saves me money. And from now on I will remember, there is no such thing as a trip too small to need a list!
That is a spreadsheet that demonstrates how I cannot function without a list. I have to admit that I usually pack with the caveat that we aren't traveling to Timbuktu, and I can replace anything forgotten in a heart beat. But why spend money needlessly on new swimsuits (which I remembered this trip but have forgotten many times before, I have 4) when we don't need to. A list not only saves my sanity it saves me money. And from now on I will remember, there is no such thing as a trip too small to need a list!
Monday, July 16, 2012
another blog! WHA
I don't know what I was thinking but over a year ago I reserved a few blogger blog names. Actually I know what I was thinking, I wanted to branch out. But it never happened. And last night when I tried to write a post on my ipad it saved it to my other blog by mistake (or maybe it was divine intervention). So here is the link to my first post on my other blog The greening of me
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