I am pregnant with my third child. A few weeks ago I was gripped with fear.
What if we have made the wrong decision?
What if this child is one child too many?
What if this is the child that pushes me over the edge?
Breaks my back.
Breaks my will.
Breaks my bank account.
What if this child is born with challenges?
What if he is sick?
What if she is disabled?
What if I can't hack it?
What if...
Last week I had my first ultrasound. On that screen I saw a little head, hands bobbing up and down, a heart, a beautiful beating heart.
All my fears melted away in that moment.
This is not the wrong decision.
This child will be loved.
I can handle all the challenges that will present themselves.
Even if I sometimes feel like
My back aches,
My will is challenged,
My bank account is stretched.
I can take what every God throws at me.
Disabled,
Sick,
I can handle it all.
I want this baby,
No matter what.
19 comments:
Congratulations. Fear is healthy, so is daydreaming.....
Aww, Chantal... I would have the very same fears as you if I got pregnant with my third child. But seeing them in the ultrasound, that's just so amazing, isn't it? Their little beating hearts, everything about them, so cute and precious. A true miracle! You will be great at being a mother for the third time!
No doubt that this is scary stuff! No doubt that you can handle it.
Very well-written and heart-felt and lovely, Chantal. What a lucky baby.
of course.
:)
That's what happens, isn't it, love born regardless of the situation. Hang in there and take care!
Fear is healthy. It's when you stop being afraid or stop worrying, that's when to be afraid. Any woman having mor than one child is a rock star to me!
Oh get ready. I have gone through those fears more than once this time around. Never with the other two, just this one ... odd really. Like I feel like I am pushing my luck.
That moment - that moment of knowing how much your baby is wanted - is a magical one, isn't it?
Chantal you are such a wonderful person...You never stop fearing for your children. Even when they are heading to college :) You have plenty of family and friends to support. Will always be there for you xoxoxoxox
Perfect Post Chantal, you voiced almost ever Mother's fear and every Mother's realization. You will do great, it is healthy to be fearful sometimes.
I am the third child of three, and what I can tell you is that I have been the delight of my parent's life--easier and happier and more loving than my two older siblings.
Yes, part of me is joshing, but a bigger part of me is quite serious. This baby will be a particular blessing.
Thanks for commenting on La Dolce Vita! :)
This post gave me the goosebumps - so very excited for you!
Oh, wow!! Huge congratulations!! When are you due? (And FWIW, it's the fourth child that sent me over the edge. You'll be totally fine with three. :) )
You know I get this. I spent my entire first pregnancy GRIPPED WITH FEAR to the point where I couldn't get out of bed. All those fears. I'm so happy your fears were allayed by the ultrasound. Nothing allayed my fears. But, I learned so much from dealing with that fear, living and managing that fear - it's all part of the initiation into motherhood. :) All so natural. Ride that fear if it returns, Chan! xoxo
Awww, this post choked me up! Yeah, I felt all of those things, the scary ones and the lovely ones. And I'll tell you this: if everybody knew how much better three is than two, we wouldn't be having a fertility decline in this country!!
I'm so happy that you're happy and that your wee one is well.
This post is so sweet. made me teary eyed. And yearn for another baby?! ack! ;)
You will be brilliant and one day will wonder what on earth you did without this baby in your life. Congratulations Chantal-- I'm so sorry I'm late in saying that!
Post a Comment