Fear

I am pregnant with my third child. A few weeks ago I was gripped with fear.

What if we have made the wrong decision?
What if this child is one child too many?
What if this is the child that pushes me over the edge?
Breaks my back.
Breaks my will.
Breaks my bank account.
What if this child is born with challenges?
What if he is sick?
What if she is disabled?
What if I can't hack it?
What if...

Last week I had my first ultrasound. On that screen I saw a little head, hands bobbing up and down, a heart, a beautiful beating heart.

All my fears melted away in that moment.

This is not the wrong decision.
This child will be loved.
I can handle all the challenges that will present themselves.
Even if I sometimes feel like
My back aches,
My will is challenged,
My bank account is stretched.
I can take what every God throws at me.
Disabled,
Sick,
I can handle it all.
I want this baby,
No matter what.

Trucks

We went to the Touch-a-truck event I mentioned in my last post. It was lots of fun and the boys are already asking about next year. M really enjoyed it. D has always been a sensitive child. If we took him anywhere noisy as a baby he would lose it. Once we had returned home I overheard him telling one of his friends "We went to Touch a Truck, but they should just call it Honk a Horn!".

As we were arriving I noticed Christi in line. As we were moving from truck to truck I was looking for her. Finally I spotted her in the crowd. I walked over and introduced myself. It was so nice to finally meet her in person. She looked amazing (she is almost 38 weeks pregnant). And she was so nice. I am already planning a coffee visit once I am on mat leave. I also spotted Spydergrrl but by that point Kev and I had split up and I always seemed in line with M when I saw her. I wasn't able to just run over and say hi. It sure is a small world though.

I hope you all had a great weekend. This week looks beautiful. I hope it extends to next week because I have taken a few days off and I could use some sun!

Fitting it all in

Last night was one of those nights. When you go out thinking you will be done your running around in half an hour, then all of a sudden it is 2 hours later and you wonder where the time went.

I had hoped to do some Wii Fit as my Fit-in 15 minutes of fitness. But that didn't happen. I settled on doing 15 mins of strength work with the exercise band I won in BeachMama's giveaway. It was fun and both boys tried them out. D really enjoyed it, I have a feeling I will see him working with them now and then. M found it more of a game. He would hold on to the handles and run away and then spring back and fall, and laugh, and laugh. Kids, the stuff that amuses them.

Words can't even express how happy I am that today is Friday. I am not sure what it has been about this week but it has gone by so slowly. I am definitely in need of a weekend. If you live in the Ottawa area you should check out the Touch a Truck event on Sunday. It is a fund raiser for Canadian Mothercraft and should be lots of fun for the kids. When I told Kevin about it, his first reactions was "you mean I have to get up early and go play with trucks ON FATHERS DAY!?!?!" but now he is pretty excited himself. If you are there and you see a 6'1" man in line with the kids to get into the fire truck, it is probably my husband!

I needed to exercise anyhow

And the idea of winning an Ipod just sweetened the deal. Andrea over at Peek inside the fish bowl is hosting a "Fit In 15" challenge. It is a challenge to do a minimum of 15 minutes of exercise a day for 7 days straight.

You all know that I am a runner, well I was a runner is more like. When I was 6 weeks pregnan, my two weeks in Florida put a serious dent in my running program. When I got back I swore that I would start again, but some bad advice about exercising when pregnant freaked me out. All of a sudden it had been 4 week since I had run and I just couldn't do it. I was so tired (still am) and it took all my energy to go for a walk, I couldn't even imagine running. And then I was so tired I didn't even walk... you get the picture.

But now I am 13 weeks along and I am starting to feel my energy coming back. It is 10:15pm and I am up writing a blog post, if that doesn't prove my energy is coming back, I don't know what does.

Tonight I had to drop a package off at an acquaintance's house. I would normally drive there, even though he only lives 1KM away from me. Tonight I decided to bike over and I took the long way. All told the bike ride was about 25 minutes and it felt great.

Thanks for the incentive Andrea!

How much freedom

My Husband and I spend a wonderful Saturday (and half of Sunday) on our own celebrating our 10th wedding anniversary (post to follow, I want to scan a wedding photo and I keep forgetting). At the risk of sounding like parents, we spent lots of time talking about our oldest son, and the amount of freedom we should be giving him. He will be turning 8 soon and I know that he deserves more freedom than he has. I know that the world is a different place than it was when I was 8 years old, but how can he learn to be responsible if he isn't allowed out of our yard.

And then the possibilities present themselves. We start thinking of worse case scenarios, of what could go wrong. It is so hard. How much freedom is too much, how much is not enough.

I think we have come to a bit of a compromise. A sort of test run. He has a friend who lives on our street. We will talk to this boys parents, who are, thankfully, good friends, and see if we can start to let our boys interact on their own. Go to each others door without the need to call first. Walk or bike over with no parents. We plan on setting limits (especially in the beginning), we need to know what they plan on doing and where they will be. If there is a change of plans they must run it by us parents first. We will discuss strangers and acquaintances and what is appropriate. That they should not accept a ride from anyone, even someone they recognize. Where to go and what to do if they need help. Oh my goodness, was it always this complicated?

What do you do with your child? Tell me, I really want to know.

about my boy

He loves to dress up.
He wears his work suit all weekend long, tie and all.
He wears dress up costumes all the time.
He loves to pretend.
He loves his Dora baseball glove.
He loves his Dora backpack.
He loves his bike.
He will eat almost anything.
He loves his Dora lunch box.
He wants his pants and shirt to match my pants and shirt.
He wants to wear his underwear backwards so he can see the character on the bum.
He loves to snuggle.
He loves to give kisses.
He laughs all the time.
He pronounces desert, u-zert.
He is 4, on the cusp of becoming a big boy.
In 3 weeks he transitions to a new daycare.
In 3 months he starts Junior Kindergarten.
I don't want him to change, to mature, but I know he will.
He will no longer want a pink glove and lunch box.
He will want to wear the same clothes as his friends, so he can fit in.
He will refuse my kiss at drop off time.
He will be taught how to properly pronounce desert.
I will adore the boy he will become.
But I will miss my boy.

Where are my manners

I am very late in thanking this wonderful blogger. Anna also known as BeachMama had a work out Wednesday giveaway in April. I won a wonderful exercise band. Thanks Anna, I really appreciate it! You guys should all visit her site. Not just for Work Out Wednesday, but all the wonderful photos, and recipes and stories. And I was able to meet her and her two darling kids when I picked up my prize. She is just as nice as she sounds from her blog and the kids... even cuter in person!

Weekend round up

Saturday turned into a beautiful day and I furiously worked on my garden. I managed to dump 3/4 of my composter into my new raised bed. I used my neighbours "garden claw" to turn everything in and it works wonderfully, and it was a great work out for my arms. I hit the superstore for a few extra bags of earth and some sheep compost (I wanted a little extra umph for my veggies) and was happy to find that they had bags of earth on for 99cents. I got 6 and I am hoping the sale is still on cause I could use 3 or 4 more.

This is what it looked like before I planted. OHHH beautiful earth, warmed by the sun. For a few hours anyway. Freaking weather (I won't start complaining but really it is JUNE for goodness sake!)

And here we are after. I have one Zucchini, 4 cucumber, 1 green bean and 2 yellow bean, 2 red pepper and 6 green pepper (I wanted more red, not sure why I did that, but oh well.) Tons of red onion and I planted carrot, kohlrabi and lettuce seed. Hopefully those will do well. I have never planted seed straight into the garden like that. My fingers are crossed. I was hoping to find a rhubarb plant but the two garden centres I visited were out. Oh well, maybe next year.
Saturday night my running buddy and I walked to Starbucks for a drink, treat and some great conversation. I really need to do that more often. We totally lost track of time and ended up walking home after 10pm. It was too funny, both of us were saying, its after my bed time!!! We totally closed the Shoppers Drug Mart! HA Saturday night out for two moms in the burbs!

Sunday was spent at my mom's apartment. The kids had a blast and I spent pretty much the whole day on the couch. That doesn't happen much so it was nice. How was your weekend?