This post is not what you would expect. Yes I admit I have a clutter problem. Yes I have had a hard time getting rid of stuff, especially if it was gifted to me. But I am working on myself and on my clutter problem. I thought it was for me, for my own sanity, but now I see it is even more important. I need to conquer my clutter problem to save my child.
My son is a hoarder.
It is hard for me to say that, it is hard for me to admit it. But in the last few weeks I have witnessed things that prove to me that if I don't nip this problem in the bud, my child will grow up to have a problem with hoarding.
Here are a few examples:
Today, while giving him his bath he noticed a piece of fluff floating in the water. I told him to leave it alone, that it would go down the drain with the water. He got visibly upset and proceeded to RESCUE the fluff. He insisted that it was HIS fluff and that it was not to go down the drain. When I tried to throw it in the garbage he got very angry at me.
Last weeks recycling pickup was paper. As happens most weeks the wind had picked up some papers and blown them around the neighbourhood. One piece had found a home in our bush. I asked him to pass it to me so I could put it in our recycling bin. He picked up the paper, hugged it and proclaimed it HIS FAVOURITE piece of paper. When I told him I was going to put it in the recycling he got very upset with me and attempted to make me promise that I would do no such thing. I made no such promise and did recycle the paper once he was off playing with friends and no longer paying attention to me.
A few weeks ago I discovered a broken plastic hanger at the base of his closet. I picked it up and placed it in the bathroom garbage. He discovered it and came running to me, hanger in hand, asking WHY had I thrown out HIS FAVOURITE hanger. When I explained to him that it was broken and no longer useful, well, I may as well have told him I was flushing his gold fish! I discarded the hanger once he was off playing.
This is the stuff hoarders are made of. They have houses full of stuff that is useless and broken! I don't even know where to begin. I know that secretly throwing out these things will not help the problem, but he is 5. I can't reason with a 5 year old. Its an epic battle, every time. What do I do!?!?!?!
16 comments:
My daughter did the same thing when she was about 5 years old. I remember a particularly bad freak-out over a pen lid (her favourite!)
She still needs some convincing to part with clothes that don't fit or toys she has outgrown, but she has grown out of the attachment to useless items.
I've got nothing useful to say, except that it could be something he outgrows. Five is still pretty irrational sometimes.
Like you, I throw the stuff away after it's been forgotten a while. All of my kids did this type of behavior some as toddlers and younger kids, but by far the worst was my 3rd child, who turned out to have OCD. The others outgrew it for the most part... they still don't like to pass on or get rid of clothes or toys that they've outgrown, regardless of how tattered or broken they may be, but they do without too much fuss. Beth, on the other hand, will still get highly upset, so I usually hide the things that need to go for a few days to make sure they won't be missed and then get rid of them. Anyway, I think this is pretty common in young kids and your son will probably outgrow it.
i think most kids go through it. especially as a middle kid, he might want to hold onto things to try and stake a claim. he's no longer the baby of the fam and his older brother has the "big brother" status. it might just be a way to cope for a while as he figures out his new place. i wouldn't worry too much that he will be one of those people on the tv shows that have 53 cats and paths cut through their house to get to the bathroom.
Oh Chantal, isn't it frustrating not to know when you should react and when it's just a phase?
I tend to think this is just a transitional thing, too. There has been a lot of change in his life lately, and five *is* a quirky age. I'd let it go for now, continue to do as you have, and maybe mention it in passing to the ped next time you're in there? They have great perspective and can likely reassure you. The fact that he forgets as soon as it's out of sight is a good sign, IMHO.
Sigh, it's always something, eh?
That's tough! Have you tried offering him choices? He can keep that broken hanger, but he has to part with some thing else?
Hi! I don't think it's a hoarding worry yet. I think it could be lots of transitional issues, likely due to his age but also having a new baby in the house, sharing a bedroom with his older brother, etc. It sounds like he easily forgetes about these "prizes" easily enough, just doesn't want to throw them away when they are first noticed. :) It's all cool. Maybe the less fuss, the better. Don't try to throw things out when he's looking!
Gal, if you figure out how to handle this situation I WANT TO KNOW. My oldest is exactly the same way and every drawer in his room is full of scraps of paper, bits of string, broken toys, and god knows what else. He won't even walk away from half-eaten food unless I swear up and down that I will eat it, and not throw it away. I think he has some lingering trauma from the day he found out that garbage gets buried in a big hole in the ground - he was previously under the impression that it goes to a garbage store where other people buy it and make use of it (ha ha!).
What I have done at the moment is given him a rather big tupperware bin that is his "special bin" to keep in his room. He can fill it with whatever crap he wants, but when it is full, he can't put anything new in unless he takes something out. Also, I go in there once every couple of months and purge anything that's obviously garbage, and he hasn't noticed yet. It's helping keep the crap under control but the urge to keep everything is still there. I hope he outgrows it - or at least keeps it in check until he gets his own place!
Hey...hopefully this will help....many children go through this developmental stage around 5. It is more to do with their sense of personal posessions than hoarding at this point. But you are right to explain why we don't need to hang on to things.
Dani
I really have no advice. But I wondered if it was a developmental thing. You will have to let us know what happens.
Thanks Guys! You know last night I think I was caught up in the stress of it all and didn't even consider it might be a phase. Let's hope it is a phase!
Hi Chantal - This is a fascinating post. I found your son's declarations familiar. My toddler adopts "favorites" readily when he fears that I might be thinking of throwing away a piece of garbage that he has found interesting at that given moment. Like you, I have decided to hope it's just a phase. Keep us posted!
All these comments have been good to read. Liam (now 6) is definitely guilty of irrational attachment to things... don't even get me started on the jar of baby teeth we have. Gross.
I don't know that I see it as a problem or even hoarding. If he had 100 pieces of fluff all stashed away in a special box, then it could be thing. But mostly it seems like he is whimsical; I find it cute that he's not only interested in having 234 action figures or something but, rather, is drawn to things that capture genuine imagination.
I'm not an expert, because I'm the complete opposite (I suppose you'd call me a purger), but I can say what I would do in the same situation. I agree with some of the other commenters who suggest offering choices. But I also would have some discussions about what "favourites" really means, that it's not about everything, but about really special things. I also think I'd include him the whole tossing out of said objects. I realize it might be hard, but perhaps it's part of learning what is meaningful in our lives and what isn't. Good luck! And keep us posted on this. I'm hopeful, like so many others, that it's just a phase. Wouldn't it be great if they just came with handbooks?
Do you know that there is no obvious way to send you an e-mail? I often want to reply to your comments but get the noreply@blogger story. Wanna send it over?
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