Friday, March 15, 2013

where I am today

It has been a few months of huge highs and low lows. I know what the problem is and very little will change until I can address it. I started reading a book called "Fire Starter Sessions" by Danielle Laporte. I have to admit that I haven't finished it yet. It was an ebook I borrowed from the library and very quickly it became apparent to me that I needed a paper version so I could scribble notes and do the tutorials. I must get my hands on that book. It is a guide to making it happen. Make what you want, become a reality. Make what I want for my life my reality. I think my lows are often when I feel like I can't wait anymore, I am growing more and more impatient with my current life. And the reality that making a change isn't as far away as it used to be, that makes me impatient. And I get frustrated and have pity parties and temper tantrums. Oh ya, fun to be around, that's me.

The exercising I have been doing has been helping level off my moods. It amazes me how powerful activity can be. It's effects on my mood are strong enough and so clearly noticeable that I am able to fairly easily force myself out of bed at 5:15am to work out twice a week. The alternative, an extra hours sleep but feeling down, isn't really a viable alternative anymore. And the rest of the week I try to do work outs over lunch hour. I don't always get to them but the endorphin effect from one high intensity work out usually lasts a few days so as long as I get to the gym (or work out at home) every two days I am good. The fact that I haven't lost any weight has been a bit of an annoyance to me. I even let it get me down last week and stop me from working out. Wallowing in my own self pity, see, fun me again. Poor Kevin. Yesterday I read a post that reminded me what is important. I always say my main goal is to be healthy (and it is) but in the back of my mind getting skinny is always there. Sorry to add a second link in one post but this article is worth the read. If you are a fit woman who struggles with body image, you NEED to read this. Thank you EliteFTS and Alexander Cortes for this post. It is the truth, a truth that not only women but society in general needs to embrace "A Lion in Iron: Women- Be More Not Less". I am strong, much stronger than I was 1 year ago. And I will continue to get stronger. Healthy and strong are my goals. I needed that reminder.


1 comment:

  1. I have been walking 3 days a week, getting up at 5:50am. I hate it when my alarm goes off, but like you, I do it to get the benefits of those endorphins. And, like you, I tell myself it is to just be more healthy. But every now and then I get on the scale and feel PO'd because it hasn't budged one bit. *sigh* It's hard to break these destructive cycles but it's worth it, right? :)

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